My experience with verbal abuse and how I got out

IMG_0194.PNG

“…You stupid motherf**cker!” I’ll never forgot my ex spitting out those words at me. He had said and done more previously but for some reason, this phrase and incident still sticks out in my mind the most even though it’s been about 7-8 years since it happened.

He was on the phone with a customer service rep representative trying to get help with our cable or something (yes, we were living together at the time). I was in the bedroom and he kept asking me for something but wasn’t sure what he meant.  Before I knew it, he got pissed and spewed out to me, “You STUPID motherf**cker!” He said this while still on the phone with the customer service rep. I felt so low, embarrassed and stupid. I felt dumb for not doing anything about it. I just sulked off into the room while he finished the call. He then gave some dumb ass excuse as to why he got that angry. Never apologized.

I met him 3 years before this incident and from the start, he showed signs of obsessiveness and controlling behavior. He would get mad if I wanted to see my friends, if I wanted to dress up for work, if  I didn’t want to sit under him while at home watching tv etc. He was always getting pissed at me about every little thing! I felt like I was walking on eggshells. Once, he even called me out my name in front of his friends.

We had several fights where he would pin me to the bed and once even spit in my face. I even once pulled a knife out on him and he did the same to me once when we were arguing to “show me how it feels” to have a knife in my face. I suffered in silence because I felt that embarrassed that I was staying and dealing with this.

giphy3

Enough is enough!

I’ll never forget what made me finally leave. I had just bailed him out of county jail for not paying a seatbelt ticket. It took $500 of my saved money to do it and yes, this was after all the shit he had done to me. I felt I had no choice but to bail him out. I wasn’t happy about doing And when I went to pick him up, he was pissed I wasn’t happy to see him. I told him just leave me alone and give me some space. He blew up and asked me why I was acting like a BITCH. Before I knew it I backhand slapped him in the face. Surprisingly, he didn’t hit me back but tried to wrestle me. All this happened at the parking lot of the barber shop he worked at in broad daylight. I was embarrassed once again.

I swallowed my pride and called my mother.

I was done. I had used my hard earned money that I was saving to bail him out and had put up with all his shit for long enough.

I remember crying home to my mother and asking to move back home with her. She had put me out to begin with years earlier because of an argument over him. She saw he was no good in the beginning and she was right. I sucked up my pride and went back home.

Verbal abuse is never okay. Just because he isn’t physically hurting you, doesn’t mean it isn’t abuse. Controlling behavior is always the first signs of an abuser. Keep your friends and family posted. Don’t suffer alone. By all means if you can, leave. It is not okay to be put down and emotionally abused.

2 Comments Add yours

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s