How a “small package” made me NEVER want to try abstinence again

By: Kindall D.

Okay, so I’ve had my heart broken so many times in the past and decided, why not try abstinence  AGAIN since I was able to wait 2 years while my ex was in jail, although that relationship didn’t work out for other reasons. The difference between that time and my most recent try with abstinence is that I KNEW what my ex was working with. Okay! 


So, I try it. I vowed to abstain from sex until I found Mr. Right.

I then meet a guy. He is nice and respectful and different than what I had dated in the past. He wined and dined me, took me out on dates and adored me. Never treated me badly.

One night, we go back to my place after a night out of having a bit too much to drink. We pull up to my house and decide to sit in the car together and talk for awhile. After some time, we begin to make out and then that make out session leads to third base pretty much. I felt like a teenager all over again and I wasn’t mad at that. I had already made up in my mind that I really liked him and was ready to go all the way. I felt I really wanted a relationship with him because he was a really good guy. FINALLY!


So, we get out the car and head in to my house. We go to my room. We attempt to finish what we started in the car. Yes, I said attempt. He could NOT get it up, literally. His package was so small, soft and would not get up no matter WHAT we tried. And I DID try!

What in all the hell?!


So, I lay there for a moment contemplating of a good lie to tell him to make him get up and go home because he was actually trying to spend the night! Dude.

I make up an excuse that I’m hungover and just want some rest. He gets up and leaves and I start to walk him out. We talk a few moments. I thought FOR SURE he would mention his lack of stamina and how this is the first time it happens…blah blah blah. He never says anything. Yup, he’s in denial. There is a big ass elephant in the room now.

He keeps talking and I then decide to tell him that this was not going to work out. I make up the excuse that I’m not fully over my ex yet. He then says he will just give me space for a while and that he will be waiting. Dude. Just no.


I’m not gon’ be able to do it!

I understand what abstinence is about and I APPLAUD any woman that chooses it however, sex is very important in any marriage or relationship no matter how you try to twist or flip it. Let’s say I had abstained the whole time while dating the guy. We later get married and on our honeymoon, I discover that he is small and can’t get it up!? I would be MAJORLY disappointed as any woman would probably be. Don’t lie!

In all seriousness, being dissatisfied in the bedroom can be very harmful to any marriage or relationship.

Another thing I’d like to point out as well is that he denied that he had a problem and never mentioned it either. How can you work with a man that obviously has erectile dysfunction issues if he has an issue with even be honest with himself first? You can’t. I am a very understanding woman and if I know that I got a good man that’s great in every other area, and he’s willing to admit his shortcomings in the bedroom and willing to get help about it, I’m all for it! Nobody’s perfect. But that incident just set me ALL the way back and really changed my viewpoint on abstinence and celibacy.

My advice…if you’re choosing celibacy or abstinence , great! Keep doing that! However, be prepared for things like this to possibly happen and make sure that he is a very transparent guy that will be willing to mend any issue that may come up like this. Hey, maybe even ask him to give you a peak of what he’s working with! Sexual compatibility is very important too, remember that. Not all men are willing to admit they are lacking in that area either so even while your abstaining, talk to each other openly and honestly about EVERYTHING.

Personally, it’s not for me. Sorry, not sorry.

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