I almost changed who I am in a desperate attempt to get a good man.


After so many failed relationships and “situationships” I felt like only immature boys were attracted to me. I would research articles online about what real men looked for in a woman as if I could fake who I was just to fit into what men supposedly wanted. I would look at other grown women in their heels and pencil skirts and then see the good men they had and thought I had to emulate those women to get a good man too. They were dressing up a bit more than I was and would wear heels just about everywhere they went.

I can remember complaining to my best friend after another failed date saying, “what the hell do I gotta do for good men to notice me!” I had on a Mickey Mouse sweatshirt at the time when I was complaining to her saying these words and looked down thinking, “it’s this damn kiddy sweatshirt! I am almost 30 years old! Why am I wearing Mickey Mouse!?”

The “Mickey Mouse” sweatshirt!

I would see all the other women that were in seemingly good relationships with seemingly good men, dress so much differently than me. I felt they were real grown women with real grown men. Did I let myself go? I used to wear heels but as I got older, I started to wear more comfortable clothes and flats. I mostly had ugg boots and sweatshirts. I had a few dresses and would wear cute, but flat, sandals with all of them.

I almost changed who I am to put on a fake front to get a “grown” mature man.

I then realized that what I wear and what I look like doesn’t matter as much as how I look on the inside. I noticed that vain men were the ones that thought looks mattered more than a woman’s personality. I kept being who I was and wearing what I wanted. I do have a mature man now that could care less how I dress or wear my hair. I had to realize that real men know that outer appearance does not factor in how good a woman is. A real man knows to look past the makeup, clothes, hair and weight and look at the heart. That’s the kind of man you want anyway, someone that will accept you for you. You do not have to do this whole makeover and dress in heels to be seen as a good woman.

If he is only interested in how you look, run the other way.

That’s the same way I feel with men that go on this tirade about women wearing weave and makeup; they are too vain to realize the real, true inner beauty of a woman. A real man is only concerned with you being happy.

Changing the way you look and dress is not necessary to get a good man. Focus more on your inner beauty and I promise that will outshine everything else.

In order to find your soulmate you have to be in tune with your soul.

Be who you are. If you feel like you have to change for a man, he isn’t the one for you.

(I still wear the sweatshirt too and my man doesn’t give a damn!)

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