I’ve been that girl that used to think that relationships HAD to have restrictions in order to work. I would accept a man controlling me because I thought that was how relationships were supposed to go.
“…A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.”
Wrong! That’s how relationships without any TRUST work. That’s how people with insecurities work–by controlling their mate to keep a tight leash on them so they won’t stray. Keeping a tight leash on someone will eventually turn into exactly what they were trying to prevent to begin with–their partner will stray! I HATED being in a controlling relationship! I really thought there was no other way for it to work though.
There is a quote I like by Kaleel Jamison that says, “Relationships – of all kinds – are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.”
That’s exactly it. There’s no better way to put it. It’s all about trust. Without trust, you really have nothing.
I’ve came a long way from controlling relationships. I highly despise using the word “let” in a relationship. Let? Are we toddlers and children? What do you mean he won’t LET you do something or go somewhere? Does he not trust you?
My ex controlled what I wore, when I saw my friends, what I did on the weekends, where I went etc!
My current boyfriend, we have freedom to be who we are. We had a life before meeting each other and we still do together. We talk to each other about things before doing them and let each other know, but we don’t give demands about what the other can and can’t do. I’m not his mother and he’s not my father. Yes, I respect his leadership but it doesn’t entail him actually controlling me.
He just recently went to New Orleans without me for a bachelor weekend with his friends. Ironically, I was set to go the next weekend with my friends for a bachelorette weekend. My plans were cancelled but he still went. No problem! He went came back and guess what, he still loves me the same. No New Orleans chick came and took him from me but that’s how some people think! Deep down, I feel it’s more of an issue with feeling insecure or not good enough for someone. They feel their mate will end up finding someone better and runnning off with them. You have to know that if someone chooses you, you’re GOOD ENOUGH!
If you’re mate can stray that easily from you then he was NEVER yours to begin with. Restrictions are only needed for those that don’t trust each other. Freedom should be in any healthy relationship. As long as their is trust and respect, having freedom to be who you are shouldn’t be a problem.