“Is he really different?” 5 ways to know if it’s different this time.

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By: Kindall D.

So, you’re all excited because you’ve met someone new. You’ve had some pretty toxic relationships in the past but this time you’re HOPING it’s different. I, too, have had my share of “situationships” and toxic relationships but now, I KNOW I finally got a good one. Here’s how you can tell if you’ve finally got a good one too.

1. He’s consistent

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“Consistency is the difference between a real man that’s really interested in you and one that’s really not.”

I’ll never forget, I was talking to and dating about 3 different guys at the same time. My current boyfriend stood out because he actually planned THREE dates back to back in one week. He always texted and called like he said he would too. He was very consistent in pursuing me and stood out because the other guys were so wishy-washy when it came to planning dates with me. After that first week, I called it off with those other guys due to the inconsistency.

2. He doesn’t leave you wondering

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“A man that is upfront and honest with you means he has nothing to hide and wants to earn your trust.”

I remember after almost a month of dating my current boyfriend, he came to me ready to make us official. He never left me wondering about the state of our relationship. There wasn’t any gray area or doubts. Even while we dated before we actually made us official, he still introduced me as “his girl” and never once said “she’s just a friend.” A good man will know what he has in you and won’t hesitate to make you his. I don’t care what excuses he gives, if he isn’t acting on making you his woman, he is just stringing you along.

3. Your friends like him

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You may be thinking, “why does it matter how anyone else feels?” It matters. Trust me.

If you have some good friends you can count on, they ALWAYS know when you got a good one or not, usually before you do. Someone on the outside looking in, that truly cares about you, will be able to tell if the one you’re with is a good man or not.

I can remember the last ex I had, my friends never really cared for him from DAY ONE. They supported me and loved me regardless but prayed everyday that I would come to my senses and leave him alone. I couldn’t bring my ex around my friends because my ex KNEW that they didn’t like him and of course, he didn’t like them either. He knew they saw through his façade and knew he was full of shit. He knew they were secretly wishing we would finally split up and he always thought they were in my ear, telling me to drop him. So, I could never bring him around my friends and that was a tell-tale sign alone. My current boyfriend fits right in when we hang with my friends just fine and they actually, genuinely really like him.

4. You feel GOOD

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“We, women, ALWAYS know when we got a man that’s no good. We never really have a sense of peace while being with him yet, we ignore it as just us overthinking things.”

You always know when a man is cheating or not fully dedicated to the relationship. You can just feel it. You always feel like you’re by yourself in the relationship and you always feel like you’re the only one that’s fully invested.

You will know he’s different all because you feel GOOD about him. You will feel at ease and feel like what you’re giving out, is being reciprocated. This, to me is the ULTIMATE way to know if he’s different. Follow that gut instinct. If you’re feeling GOOD about him, are able to relax while being with him and he never makes you feel “on edge” or suspicious, he’s a keeper. Someone that fully cares about you will never leave you feeling like anything else but good.

5. He handles ANY grievances you may have with him

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Just because he’s different and an actual good man, doesn’t mean you won’t have any disagreements and small problems.

If you’re dating a man and he simply refuses to change anything about himself that you have a small problem with, re-think the relationship. I’m not talking about  irrational things like asking him to get rid of his friends that he’s had long before you came along just because you don’t like them. I’m talking about small things like maybe the amount of time he spends with them or him not pitching in and helping you with chores around the house. If you can come to him about anything that’s bothering you and he actually is concerned and changes his behavior so the problem doesn’t happen again, marry him tomorrow. The reality is that grievances with each other are inevitable; there’s no way around it because you’re both human. If he’s ready to listen and make things better if you come to him about any little problem you may have with him, he’s definitely different from any other man that would usually blow you off with no concern about how you feel.

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