Should a woman find a man that loves her more than she loves him?


By: Kindall D.

“Marry a man that loves you more than you love him” is a phrase that has been passed around for quite some time. Many dislike the phrase and some actually agree with it. Just hearing the phrase right off, many assume it means to not show interest at all in a man that is madly in love with you. Some assume it means he has to love you more to even equal a woman’s love that she has to give? Which is correct?

I can say that I have definitely always loved my exes more than they have loved me. I have always gone over and beyond to prove myself to them. I was always so busy proving my worth to them that I never stopped to realize that they hadn’t shown me hardly anything.

“They may have liked me, loved the idea of being with me or just selfishly loved the way I loved them. The reality is that they never truly had that deep emotional love for me.”

I always hoped that my loving them more than they assumingly loved me would be enough to hopefully get them to reciprocate the love right back eventually. It does not work that way. I realize now that that’s so ass backwards as my mother would say about things that made no sense.

“You can not pursue a man. Do that and you will be pursuing him the WHOLE entire relationship.”

That’s why we see women proposing marriage now to their men because it’s obvious, he doesn’t hardly love them the same to even consider asking for their hand in marriage; so she speeds things along because she’s used to pursuing him.  May be a tough pill to swallow but it’s true. Rather we like it or not, men do set most of the tone for the relationship. That’s why it’s important to find a man whose leadership you can trust and depend on.

Here’s some logic to consider:

Men like to chase and pursue. It’s a given. They are biologically wired that way. However, they will only chase IF they’re interested. Now, sometimes they’re only interested in chasing you just to prove they can conquer you or it could mean that he hopes to have an actual relationship with you. Let’s hope it’s the latter reason though. Either way, there has to be some type of interest in you before any kind of pursuit can take place.


Women, if you are crazy over a man initially starting out, you will naturally try your very best to win him over by doing everything imaginable to please him. The tables are turned in this instance and it’s mainly you chasing him. I promise you, nothing you do can EVER persuade a man to want YOU just as bad as you want him. Naturally, it’s in a woman to be nurturing and loving and she will automatically do all she can for him if she is intriqued enough by a man she is dating. The problem is, if you’re not giving that man space to actually pursue you, you, in turn, will be trying to win him over the entire relationship.


Basically, when you first meet a man, if you’re all giddy and head over heels for him, it will be hard for you to hide it. You will always be the one working to prove your love.

Personally, this was my biggest downfall in my last relationship. I was just happy to have someone I thought was so attractive to actually like me back, that I went over and beyond to win him over. Yes, he initially showed interest in me too but it was only to get me to chase him. I was something for him to conquer. All he had to do was show a small interest and I took it and ran with it causing years of confusion and pain on myself.

My current relationship is the best I’ve ever had and I initially had ZERO giddy feelings! I remember thinking that our first date would lead to nothing because I just wasn’t that interested initially. He won me over by the third date that he had planned all in a week’s time. So, it was his actual pursuit and not his looks, that sealed the deal. That’s how it should be.

“Just know that some men will take full advantage of you being head over heels for them and use you and take whatever you have to give till you get tired of being hurt and disappointed and finally, walk away.”

So, back to the phrase that this article is about. I feel it’s very important to have a man that loves you more than you love him. That is the only way the love can be equal and mutual. Men are not wired like us, women. We, women live and breath emotions with just about every single thing we do. Men, not so much. That’s why it’s important for him to be more interested, initially, so that he can pursue you and finally, have that deep love for you that’s going to keep the relationship going. Us, women do have to, of course, show our interest as well but it has to be subtle and not too much to where it overpowers a man’s space to pursue us. Our interest is shown totally different than a man’s interest. It’s mostly all in our body language when we’re with him and the actual acceptance of letting him court us on dates and whatnot.

Being with a man that loves you more than you love him is the only way he can equal all the love a good woman has to give. Women are naturally giving, nurturing and loving. Add in a man that loves you more than you love him and you have the ultimate duo. If he shows no interest, that’s not a cause for you to pursue him even harder. Let him love you more and everybody is happy in the end.

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