I’ve Been That Girl: That Let A Man Control Me


By: Kindall D.

Insecure men will just not let you be great. They are controlling and manipulative and just want to see you down and out like them. Keeping your self worth low helps to keep their false self worth at a high. It makes them feel powerful knowing they have a tight hold on you. Usually, they are cheating on you but still want you to sit at home, doing whatever they say. God forbid if you want to go somewhere without them! That’s a no-no!

I was that girl. Thinking my life revolved around a man; a no-good one at that. I thought if I did what he said, he would one day trust me and not feel like he has to cheat. That day never came. A man with trust issues like this, has ALWAYS had them, even before I came along. Some men just don’t trust women, PERIOD. Some men just are not capable of treating a woman good and were never taught how to treat a woman.

I went to The Bahamas with two friends in October of 2015. The trip started in Miami, FL then afterwards, we got on a cruise ship to The Bahamas the following day. I was still off and on with my ex at the time and I remember him telling me I better not go on no cruise! I actually almost told my friends, “no.” Then I thought about it and asked myself, “why not?” This man had already, obviously, been cheating on me and the excuses were now starting to get old. I was tired of being so unhappy. I was tired of not getting what I felt I deserved. Everything was always about the whichever man was in my life at the time. That was always my desperate attempt to keep a man that did not want to be kept.

“I was trying my best to finally let go of him completely and was debating between doing something to make him happy or doing something to make myself happy.”

I threw the middle fingers up to my ex and told my friends to count me in! I had NEVER been on a plane or out of the country! I did all of that in one trip! I really got my life by visiting a different part of the world and experiencing a bit of their culture. I felt a new sense of freedom and spirituality.

Paradise Island in The Bahamas

I came back and still had a very hard breakup with my ex, but it finally happened. I had to let go. It was easier for me then though, because I knew what kind of freedom I now possessed.

“I knew there was a life out there that I wasn’t going to get to fully enjoy if I had stayed with him.”

At the end of November of 2015, just a month after all of this, I met my current boyfriend and we’ve been together ever since. He is truly the best boyfriend I’ve ever had and it’s the best relationship I’ve ever had. I had to “get my life” though in order to prepare for him. I had to let go and tap into my self love. Self love is the only love on this earth that is undeniably everlasting. Love yourself more.

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