I’ve Been That Girl: Thinking My Ex Would Be The Only Man I’d Ever Love

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By: Kindall D.

Because let’s just be honest, that’s one of the only reasons why we hang on so long to men we KNOW we should let go off.

My ex was the first man I ever really loved. I was head over heels for him and he knew it. He cheated on me numerous times. I cried about it every time and pleaded with him to treat me right. I was stupid in love. I was gone. It’s like someone had took over my body and forced me to fall for this man that showed me he was no good from the beginning.

“I had the hardest time walking away from him. I felt like I was walking away from the only man I’d ever truly love.”

I felt like if I gave up on us, I would miss out on that small chance of us actually working out. I feared I would never feel the same way towards anyone else. I really thought he was the only man left on this earth for me. That’s how deep my love for him was. I enjoyed the good times although the bad outweighed the good. I enjoyed having him although I was often sharing him with the numerous women he was cheating with.

I thought my love was strong enough to change him. I thought he would change, eventually, for me. I thought the world revolved around him. He used how I felt towards him to his full advantage.

Walking Away

I remember breaking down and pleading with God to take away the need I felt I had for him. I knew he wasn’t any good but I just couldn’t let go that easily. It took ALL I had to release that tight hold he had on my heart. It’s such a shame that you can love someone so much but still have your heart stomped all over like it’s nothing.

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“It’s like you wish that they could switch places with you and actually feel all the deep feelings you have for them. Maybe then, they would trust and honor the love you have for them and actually treat you better.”

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way and I had to give it all up. I walked away feeling like I’d never feel this way for another man. I walked away feeling like I would never be able to give me all to another man again. I walked away feeling like good men just didn’t exist. I thought he was truly the only man that I would ever be attracted to and actually have true feelings for.

Life After Love Lost

You think you can never breathe again after losing a man you thought you’d never lose but look at you now…breathing and shit. That means you still have life! Life does really go on and your heart really does heal. We really don’t give our hearts enough credit when dealing with a break up. We feel like it’s the end of the world.

“Breaking up with someone is even tougher when you know the relationship could continue on, if you let it. You know you can’t though because it’s toxic as hell.”

You almost wish they would just walk away from you, block you and disappear so you can easily forget about them. I’m sure my ex would have continued hurting me if I had stayed. He seemed to enjoy hurting me and being on our roller coaster ride of a relationship.

My heart finally did heal. I fell in love again and this time, with a great man that treats me better than I’ve ever been treated. I do, of course, love him more than I loved my ex and now that I think about it, I feel I just loved my ex for all the wrong reasons.

“I loved how he looked physically. I loved how other women thought I had such a catch because he was so attractive. Everyone wanted him but he showed interest in me first and I thought I had actually won a prize.”

I want to urge all women that are having a hard time letting go to know that there really is a good man out there waiting to treat you the way you deserve. I used to think God only sent you ONE soulmate or ONE life partner but honestly, I think He sends us options. People have a free will to choose you or not. Choose someone that chooses you. That’s THE ONE.

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