By: Kindall D.
I always had a type. I had the perfect looking guy mapped out in my head. He had to be at least 6’0 and dress nicely. He had to be of a thicker build. Tattoos were always a plus. Muscles were also a plus too. He had to basically look like a typical basketball or football player; a man with a nice big and tall stature with lost of tattoos and muscles. Really, I did not have one single inner quality or characteristic on my list. Some may say I was being a typical, superficial female but in my personal case, I’d like to say that I was ego tripping. I’ll explain.
I was always the shy, chubby girl growing up. I never had a high school sweetheart or anything like that. I did however, always crush on the popular, cute guys but of course, they never liked me back in return.
After graduating high school, I decided to work on my looks a bit. I lost weight and enhanced my make up skills a bit. I was now old enough to buy my own clothes so I started buying clothes that flattered me more. Guys finally started to notice me; Cute ones at that! I started feeling like I was the shit!
Guys I thought were nerdy or ugly tried to get my attention too but I always felt like they didn’t look right with me; they weren’t as attractive as me in my eyes.
“I HAD to have a good-looking guy to make myself feel good. It stroked my ego to be with such an attractive guy.”
It made me feel like that I was finally out of that awkward, ugly duckling phase.
I would overlook any of the guy’s character flaws all because he was attractive and giving me attention. I dated one guy that was obviously still messing with his ex but I still stayed because he loved how I look. Next, I dated a man that had 9 kids by 4 different women. I didn’t care. He was fine as hell to me AND he thought I was sexy. It stroked my ego. It filled that insecurity void I had.
“I needed that reassurance I got from being wanted by men I found attractive. I really did not know who I was, so I believed ANYTHING those guys told me.”
Of course, I only ended up with my heart broken in the end.
I had to spend time alone after my last heartbreak. It really took a toll on me. I had to take some time out to find out who I really was. I had to convince myself that I was enough and that I didn’t need a man, or anyone, to validate me. I had to stop chasing men only for their looks and stop accepting bad treatment from them.
After changing and growing, I met a good guy. He’s 5’9 and does not look like any guy I’ve ever dated BUT he’s treating me better than any of the other guys EVER have. He is very attractive to me but for deeper reasons than just the surface. What initially attracted me to him was the way he treated me and not the way he looked.
“That’s what they mean when they say you will find “the one” when you least expect it. The guy that is for you won’t make your heart skip a beat just upon you seeing or meeting him; your heart will skip a beat once he shows you who he is.”