I’ve Been That Girl: That Thought You Could Have Love Without Trust

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By: Kindall D.

I thought the cliché phrase, “You can’t have love without trust” was just a big ass myth. I foolishly thought that love was strong enough to make it on it’s own. Every relationship I had in the past consisted of me loving them but not ever trusting them 100 percent. I could never trust any of my exes because they either cheated on me or did suspicious things to make me feel uneasy. I failed to understand that overall, trust was needed to make a relationship actually last. I wanted to be with them so badly that I thought love would be enough.

Sure, a relationship with love and no trust can last for a little while but it won’t last forever. If you do not trust them, can you say you really love them? If they do something to ruin your trust and don’t care about repairing it, can you say they ever really loved you?

I did not realize how important trust was until now, when I entered a relationship where the trust was mutual. The love and trust I give is undeniably being reciprocated back to me in the relationship.  I am now realizing that trust is what is fueling our love and causing it to grow more and more. I also realize now that trust was the key factor missing from my past relationships and that it was, and is, very necessary to have in order for a relationship to thrive and grow.

I never understood what trust was actually. That is why I thought I could do without it and just keep moving forward in past relationships with exes that swore they loved me.

So, what is trust exactly?

Trust is the glue that holds love together; without it, love will come undone and not stay put together.

You can’t fully give of yourself if you only love someone. You will naturally keep a tally on the love you have to give instead of giving it freely because you do not trust them enough to reciprocate the love back.

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Love can be so blinding. Trust, however, is never blinding. Whenever any disagreements or arguments arise in a relationship, it is trust that routes us back to the reason we even started the relationship in the first place. We trusted our partner enough to actually start a relationship, so it is that same trust that loops us back around to get back to the loving.

It is trust in our partner that helps us to relax, open ourselves up completely and become vulnerable and comfortable with our mate.

It is trust that holds love together when everything else is falling apart. Without trust and trying to continue a relationship with only love, we will naturally keep our guards up the entire time causing us to not be able to experience what it is to love freely.

When you’ve been through hell in previous relationships, you may sometimes have irrational thoughts creep into your head while you’re  with someone new. It is trust that quickly erases those thoughts. Trust keeps our emotions at bay and keeps us from exploding about every single, small issue that may arise.

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It’s trust that keeps us from making things into something bigger that doesn’t warrant an actual argument. Trust in our partner erases all doubts and keeps us focused on loving each other instead of keeping tabs on each other.

Consider this: Every relationship is like a roller coaster with highs and lows. Trust will always get us through the lows. Love alone can not get us through the lows because love is, like I stated before, blinding.

Love can greatly cloud our judgment and cause us to not think clearly. Trust is what brings us back to reality. So without it, and having only love, you will be stuck in a fantasy world feeling that everything is “okay” when truly, it is not.

Try to use love only to get through the lows and a piece of the relationship will be chipped away with each low until eventually, you have nothing left but “all these years” that you’ve been in the relationship. All you will have left is a shell of a relationship with a bunch of loving feelings that you can’t do anything with because you don’t trust your partner enough to want to keep giving of yourself to them.

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That’s a very empty feeling to have and I know of that feeling all too well because I’ve been there many times before. It hurts like hell and it feels like your heart is literally breaking in half; Almost like a heart attack. It is a feeling I would not wish on anyone. You love them so much but can’t trust them enough to be with them and actually give them all of the love you have built up inside of you for fear that you will just be hurt even more doing so.

If the person that ruined your trust is not willing to work with you in earning your trust back, then they probably never really loved you to begin with. They loved all the benefits that your love brought into their lives but did not actually respect you enough to want to keep the trust alive in the relationship.

They say “love conquers all” but it is trust that helps us to believe that love can conquer any and every obstacle.

Without trust, love just cannot sustain. Love can maybe exist without trust but it will not last; It’s impossible. Real love needs real trust.

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