I’ve Been That Girl: Led On Only To Be Let Down While Dating, 3 Lessons I Learned

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By: Kindall D.

Dating can really suck. It’s hard learning someone new all over again each time a potential disappoints you. If you’ve ever been like me, when you date and talk to someone for longer than a couple of weeks, it’s safe to say they could possibly be your next boyfriend because at that point, if he’s still supposedly pursuing you and talking to you, then that means he is mutually interested, right? Well, in one of my cases, I was totally wrong and totally disappointed when a “potential” guy I was dating had decided to not continue on talking to me after a whole month if talking everyday, twice a day. There is a lesson in everything though and I learned some very valuable ones after this big disappointment.

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I was just getting over a major heartbreak and decided to try my luck with online dating. I downloaded the Tinder app and got to swiping. I met a few guys on there, some decent and some not so much. I come across one guy and scroll through his pictures thinking he’s cute but with all the tattoos, he could be another guy like my ex. I almost count him out and swipe left but decided at the last minute to swipe right. It’s a match! So we chat for a minute then eventually exchange numbers. We pretty much hit it off and start to talk everyday, twice a day. He asks me out to see a movie and to go to dinner afterwards.

At this point, I’m pretty excited. He’s tall, cute and has tattoos BUT actually seems different already than I originally thought he would be. We go on our date and actually have a good time.

We continue to talk to each other after our date.

We would talk in the morning before I went to work and talk again after I got off work.

I was enjoying the budding friendship and possible relationship. This carries on for an entire month.

Like any other woman, I’m already thinking that it won’t be long before he becomes my actual boyfriend. He was already talking as if he would be talking to me long term by speaking of things in future tense. He would jokingly tell me I better not be talking to anyone else and so on.

However, our second date never happened. I was starting to grow tired of just “talking” and wondered what was up? I didn’t have to ask him what was up because one day, he suddenly decided he did not want to carry things any further with me.

I was sitting at work when he text me saying he had to talk to me after I got off. I initially just said “okay” but then thought, I can not sit at work a whole 8 hours wondering what the hell he had to talk to me about. So, I text back right away requesting that he just go ahead and tell me what it was he wanted to say. He basically told me in text message that he did not want to lead me on any further because he could not give me what I was looking for. He knew eventually that I would want a relationship.

I suppose after a month of talking to a good girl, he maybe realized that I was not planning on having sex with him unless he was my man. Maybe that was not the case but I’m almost 80 percent sure it was. Why else would you tell a girl that you have talked to twice a day, everyday for an entire month that you dig her and prefer her to not talk to anyone else but you just don’t want a relationship with her? The reason doesn’t matter now and is not as important as the 3 very valuable lessons I learned in all of this.

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1. After the second date did not happen right after the first one, I should have noticed he was stalling to actually pursue me.

2. I did not mention this before but he definitely still seemed hurt and a bit bitter after the break-up with his ex.  He would talk so badly about her although it had been a few years since their break-up and she had moved on and gotten married. I should have known then he was not ready for a relationship because he was obviously not emotionally ready for one.

3. Lastly, I learned to never put all of my “eggs in one basket.” As soon as we exchanged numbers, I stopped talking to all other potential guys as if I had found “the one.” Every guy you meet and date is not a potential mate. The next guy I dated, which is actually my current boyfriend of a year and a half now, I had talked to multiple guys while talking to him. When he agreed he was ready to be exclusive with me, I sent a text to the other guys telling them it was not going to work out. He actually had to send a text to some other women too.

Ladies, I know we can become elated when we meet a guy that’s great potential but he does not deserve to be the center of our attention right away. He does not deserve for you to instantly take yourself off the market when he has only shown you his potential. Potential can often times end up amounting to nothing. He needs to show you some real action. 

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Plus, if a guy that’s not ready for a relationship ever call things off with you, consider yourself dodging a bulllet. You don’t want a man that’s just going to play games with you and string you along anyway. Remember ladies, we ARE the prize.

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