By: Kindall D.
My father taught me about dating in more ways than 1. He taught me some things directly and some indirectly. My father was not perfect and like any other man, made his own mistakes. I learned some very valuable lessons in love and dating along the way from me either listening to what he had to teach me about the men I was dating or actually watching how he treated my mom and other women after they divorced. Some lessons did not actually resonate with me till later in my adult life but nevertheless, it still taught me what I needed.
1. No Ex-Girlfriend Is Crazy By Herself
I once was dating a man that still had an ex-girlfriend lingering around. My ex would always tell me that his ex-girlfriend was just “crazy” and just couldn’t let him go. I talked to my dad about it once and he basically told me that I should be careful because no woman is crazy by herself; he has to be doing something to make her that emotional still even if they’re supposedly supposed to be broken up. Long story short, my dad was right because my ex was still sleeping with her and getting money and gifts from her.
2. A Man Should Always Make Sure You’re Taken Care Of
I remember once I kept putting off getting my oil changed in my car. My dad found out I was not keeping up with the upkeep of my car questioned why my boyfriend at the time hadn’t already took it to the car shop. I think I remembered making up some lame excuse just to make my boyfriend at the time not look so bad but my dad had a point. That boyfriend is of course an ex and throughout that relationship, I had quite a few problems with him being there for me as a real man in a relationship would. Although my parents are divorced now, my dad told me that when they were dating, he would always make sure my mother was taken care of and had a car in good working condition.
3. “He Doesn’t Love You!”
I’ll never forget my dad shouting these words at me years ago when I was trying to defend a no-good ex. The words were so simple but I still did not quite understand where my dad was coming from at the time. My dad had seen me go through a series of dealing with an ex that was obviously cheating on me and not being there for me like a man that says he loves his women should be. I would keep defending him after each incident. I guess my dad finally snapped and broke it down to me in hopes of me finally understanding why I was still getting treated so badly. It worked in a sense although I did not leave right away. I started viewing the man I was dating at the time differently and every time he did something malicious towards me, my dad’s words would replay in my mind. Looking back now I realize that ex only loved the idea of having me but never actually loved me.
4. Insecure or “Unfulfilled” Men Cheat
I learned this lesson from watching my dad and hearing some of the things he had to say about the boyfriends that cheated on me. I do not know all of my dad’s “demons” because he never really discussed them with me but I have grown to realize that whenever my dad was feeling unfulfilled in a marriage, he would pick up and move on. He has remarried twice since he divorced my mom. I do not feel like it was the exact marriages that made him feel unfulfilled but maybe something that he is fighting within himself that he never fully grew from. I seen how he talked about each divorce and let him tell it, it was only always the wife’s fault. I felt like he had issues with his own insecurities and love and marriage only highlighted those same issues more.
“I’ve come to an understanding now that men that are not secure with who they are as a man, will relationship hop whenever things get too uncomfortable instead working it out.”
I dated men like my father and seeing how they always cheated on me, I understand now it was due to fact that they had no idea who they were as a man. He would also, in a sense, side with the men that cheated on me in past relationships. He would see things from their point of view instead of siding with the hurt I felt from it. He would tell me to leave them alone and that they were no good but he would still side with them to a degree as if he understood why they were behaving the way they were.
My dad was not perfect but he was a good father. As I got older, I started viewing him as more of a “man” and not just a father. That taught me many things alone because I was able to learn from his mistakes and issues. I love the dad my father was and appreciate the man he actually was too.