By: Kindall D.
“My man is my man, is your man
Heard it’s her man too…
Tuesday and Wednesday, Thursday and Friday
I just keep him satisfied through the weekend
You’re like 9 to 5, I’m the weekend
Make him lose his mind every weekend
You take Wednesday, Thursday
Then just send him my way
Think I got it covered for the weekend”
I’ve definitely been that girl. I tried to hide it and sugarcoat it but Sza made me face the hard truth…he was mines just on the weekend.
I was just on the side.
I felt like I was taking whatever I could get as long as it meant getting him.
He had a girlfriend already and everything but I was weak as hell…and desperate. I had not learned how to be comfortable by myself yet. I had not learned how to exude self love.
I thought I loved myself but the way he seemed to love me felt so much better.
He would tell me I was beautiful and I had never heard that much before.
So, did I care that he had a girlfriend?
“You say you got a girl
How you want me?
How you want me when you got a girl?
The feelin’ is wreckless
Of knowin’ it’s selfish
Knowin’ I’m desperate”
Am I proud of my behavior?
But I was a willing participant.
I was desperate for his loving.
He flattered the hell out of me even though half the things that came out of his mouth were lies.
They were beautiful lies.
The only feelings that mattered at the time were mine, I didn’t care about his girlfriend.
Sza, how dare you so boldly state what we are all trying to push out of our memory.
I’m 31 now, I’m not supposed to be relating, but I am.
I think that’s what’s wrong with a lot of us. We are so quick to forget where we came from and are quick to judge the next woman for doing the same things that we did; We just did our dirt secretly.
But we still did it though.
We still accepted a piece of a man.
Even if he was telling you that you was his main girl, that’s not shit if you’re not his only girl.
Even if he kept lying to you that he wasn’t cheating when you knew that he was.
You still stayed knowing you were sharing him.
Even if he said that was just his “friend” that would text him at 3am, you knew that was the furthest from the truth but stayed anyway.
You were still sharing a man. Face it, we’ve all shared a man at one point.
Sza is just being honest about it.
Our intution has always told us the truth but we’ve always tried to silence it to keep our man.
“Gettin’ all in your love
Fallin’ all over love, like
Do it to last, last
Hanging out the back, all up in your lap
Like is you comin’ home?
Is you out with her?
I don’t care long as you’re here by 10:30
No later than, drop them drawers
Give me what I want”
I would talk about his girlfriend to him, then lay with him all night like I didn’t even know who she was.
I would catch feelings but be okay with just sharing him and hoping my day would come that I would be the “main girl.”
I felt like I was what he really wanted but that he just couldn’t break his girlfriend’s heart.
But he could so easily break mine.
He would tell me I was prettier and that his girlfriend was jealous of me.
He would tell me that he could be at ease around me and that I was his escape.
I wasn’t the “main girl” but he sure knew how to make me feel like I was this sexy, forbidden fruit that he just had to have but couldn’t.
I was so young and impressionable and just soaked up whatever attention I could.
I’ve Been That weak before.
We’ve all been weak.
We’ve all been “that girl.”
We’ve all had to experience low self worth to learn what real self worth was.
I just thank Sza for being transparent about it.
We can’t fully heal and grow from our past if we refuse to be honest with ourselves.