I’ve Been That Girl: Believing That A Good Man Would Never Love Me

IMG_0987By: Kindall D.

Good men do exist. We just pick the bad ones.

There is someone to love you exactly the way you are.

Not only have I been through numerous toxic relationships but I also have my own personal insecurities to add on top of that.

We’re all a bit of a mess honestly. Some of us just hide it better than others.

He loves me through all of it though.

I never knew anyone was capable of loving me the way that I love them.

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To: Him

I can be an emotional wreck, but you know just how to calm me down. You know that I’m a big baby at times but you still love me.

How? How can you deal with my emotions so well? Do you ever get exhausted?

I often fear that you will grow tired of dealing with my rollercoaster emotions but you haven’t yet. You calm me through every low.

My ex would be the one to always make me cry and never cared about my feelings.

But not you.

With you, you care about every part of my well-being whether it be emotional, physical and/or mental.

I’m not skinny either. I have a flabby stomach and arms but none of that seems to bother you either.

You’re smaller than me and even have a bit of muscle in your arms. Your waist is smaller than mine too.

It only bothers me though that you’re smaller and a bit more toned. You don’t care about my size. I gained weight and you never mentioned it. You respond with as long as my love stays the same.

When I mention it, you’re quick to ask me how you can help me to feel good about myself. You ask me what you need to do in order for me to see what you see.

My ex would not hesitate to tell me when I was gaining weight. I don’t know if he was doing it to purposely hurt me or to make me feel as insecure as he did.

I talk aimlessly sometimes. But you still listen to every word.

I keep trying to figure out how you’re able to love me flaws and all when no man from my past had ever been able to do so.

I would love my exes through all of their bullshit but they would criticize and judge me harshly for mine.

You never have.

You just accept me for who I am and love every aspect of me.

I’ll admit that a small part of me is still stuck with the baggage my exes left behind.

But your consistency is helping me to unpack those bags.

You even leave your phone around me. No man that I’ve been with has ever been able to do that. I’ve never felt compelled to go through your phone either.

Whenever an ex left his phone around me, I was going to go through it, no questions asked. I would always find something too. I would stay like a lovesick dummy though even after arguing and fighting with him about what I would find.

I don’t know if you helped me to mature or if I just matured on my own but I know now, I need you.

I always just wanted my exes and knew deep down, they weren’t any good for me. I knew I didn’t need them but I was too busy trying to feed into my wants, lusts and desires.

I never knew that all the good love that I have to give would be enough to keep a man satisfied because my love was always walked over instead of appreciated in the past.

So, just my love is enough for you?

Are you sure?

Sorry if I have a hard time believing that but it’s just that it never seemed to be enough for any of my exes.

My love was always treated as if it was not good enough. It was always treated as something that was disposable.

I was treated as if I wasn’t good enough. I would do everything in my power to please my exes but it still never seemed good enough.

But you appreciate it all and even reciprocate it.

I know we, women, can often become so independent that we feel needing anyone is a weakness. I feel that isn’t true.

We all need someone. We are complete by ourselves but having someone to balance us out is needed. No matter how hard we work, we do not have it all together, all the time.

We need someone to add to our already greatness.

We need someone to love us through those times when we find it hard to love ourselves.

You see the real me and love me for it. I need that.

I need you and I actually feel safe and secure in saying that.

 

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