By: Kindall D.
Tasha, Tasha, Tasha….sis, you can not coerce a man into being something he is not.
If you’ve been keeping up with the HBO series, Insecure, then you are already familiar with the “situationship” between the naive Tasha and wanna be good guy Lawrence.
On the last two episodes, Lawrence’s true character is slowly revealed. After leaving Issa due to her cheating on him, he did what any man would do; he had rebound sex with Tasha, the girl he curved on last season. Of course, she was there, no questions asked, with her arms, and legs, wide open to accept him.
Lawrence recently told Tasha that he had dipped back with his ex, Issa, but since he apologized for it, Tasha accepted him back and kept things moving inviting him to a family barbecue only for Lawrence to dip on her and her family’s shindig, leaving her hanging the entire time as he poured it up at a work function.
Tasha then called him upset wondering what the hell had happened to him and why he had bounced on her and the barbecue. That’s when Lawrence finally, at the most inopportune time, told her that he wasn’t ready for anything serious.
Tasha of course was livid and went off on him calling him a fuck boy, crushing his little wanna be good guy ego that had everyone believing on season one that he was really about something.
“Quit acting like you give a fuck about what I want.” “You a fuck nigga.” “You worse than a fuck nigga—you a fuck nigga who thinks he’s a good dude.”
Like most men, Lawrence thought he was being a ‘good man’ by sparing Tasha’s feelings instead of telling her the truth upfront or just not even getting involved with her to begin with.
I’ve Been like Tasha.
You want to believe in your head so much that you’ve finally snagged a “good one.” You overlook the warning signs and move forward hoping he will live up to the potential that you see in him.
You know you’re a rebound and know that he is just getting out of a relationship with another woman but you’re so hung on proving to him that your sex, personality, looks and support in him as a ‘good man’ are all better than the last chick he was with. Since he’s spending a little time with you, eating your cooking and sexing you on the weekends, you think your point has been proven to him and that it will help him to realize what he has in you as a woman, causing him to want to be serious with you.
He dips back with that same ex that he originally left and here you come trying to be all understanding and accepting of that just to make it easier for him to still be with you. You don’t want to rock the boat and miss out on this man that you know has potential. Like Tasha, I refused to take the cheating personally simply because it was with the woman that he was trying to get over. I felt that of course he wanted me and just needed to scratch that itch.
You then start to realize that he is missing in action when it comes to the things that are really important to you; he only comes around when it’s easy and convenient for him. All he needs from you is to stroke his male ego and his penis while he heals from his last relationship. He needs for you to make him feel like the man that he he knows he is not.
But you’re using him too; to fit into your picture perfect relationship in your head although you know deep down he isn’t worthy. You take the chance anyway.
I was that same girl trying to make a man treat me the way I wanted and needed. I tried to make him close with my family, I tried to make him forget about his ex, I tried to make him be somebody he was not…you name it, I tried it.
Once you get let down enough, you start to realize that you’re really nobody to him but basically someone to: occupy his time when he feels like being around you and get him off when he isn’t busy messing with his ex or jerking himself off.
Like the men I dated before, Lawrence was never fully honest about what he wanted and like Tasha, I assumed they wanted me because they were giving me the time of day.
We’ve all been like Tasha though, trying to believe the man that’s obviously treating us badly will someday match the potential that we have already mapped out in our hearts and head.
We want to believe so badly that he really doesn’t mean to treat us so poorly and will make up excuses in our minds just to keep things going long enough so that he can hopefully and finally come to his senses and do better by us. That time never comes, ever. All we do by continuously accepting that shitty treatment is make it easier for him to continue treating us like shit.
You can not coerce a man into being yours and treating you right. When you accept his bad behavior once, he feels like you will always be accepting of him and that he can always use you to get whatever it is he wants or needs out of you whether that’s sex, money or temporary companionship.
Don’t be so set on proving to a man that you’re what he’s been missing and needing that you forget to pay attention to if HE is showing and proving to YOU that he’s what you’ve been missing and needing. Potential does NOT count as proof that he’s good for you.
Whenever a man shows you who he is, believe him. Whenever a man tells you he doesn’t want a relationship with you, be grateful instead of being upset that he isn’t telling you what you want to hear.
Whatever you do afterwards is on you and you only.