I’ve Been That Girl: That Let Him Back In

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By: Kindall D.

I promised myself that this would be the last time that he would hurt me again. True, I may have said this hundreds of times before but this time I’m serious. He can’t just send dick pics to some other woman that mistakenly got sent to my sister instead and get away with it. No, this time I’m putting my damn foot down. I’ve been embarrassed and hurt for the last time.

I “fake” move on, start dating some random guy that’s always liked me just to take my mind off of my two-timing ex and keep me from responding to his many explanatory and apologetic texts.

I go out to the movies with the random guy and try my best to like him because he is indeed a pretty good guy but the shit ain’t working. The whole time I’m only thinking if my ex is crazy jealous or not right now since I declined going to the movies with him, telling him that I had already made plans to go with someone else.

I read an article somewhere on how to get a man to comeback treating you right that said I was suppose to make myself “unavailable” and make him feel like he was missing out on me; so, that’s what I did.

A few weeks go by. My ex shows up at my doorstep unannounced and I gladly let him in thinking he’s ready to do me right. He apologizes. I accept it.

He starts telling me that I need to leave the other guy alone and that I better not go on anymore dates. I grin feeling successful in my little game.

You can’t play a player though. They are always fifty steps ahead of you.

He must have been able to tell that my little date was just a bullshit cover up to dismiss the fact that I was really missing him because after a week, he was right back to breaking what was left of my poor heart.

I let him back in. I let him back in for the hundredth time not realizing that I was only setting myself up more and more to be mistreated and broken down. He knew just how to treat me, I taught him.

I let him back in and this time I told none of my friends and family because I knew deep down that I’d only look like a fool. I knew they would talk me out of being with him and I couldn’t have that; I needed him obviously.

I knew that last time wasn’t going to be the last time because although I should have been done with him, my loneliness whispered to me every night, “try one more time.”

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I needed him to keep coming back every time until I got tired; until my heart couldn’t take anymore.

I needed him to break me down to the core and he happily obliged. I didn’t know when enough was going to be enough so I went with the flow. I wanted him back all those times so, I took him back all those times.

But he must have gotten tired of me after awhile; tired of the same stupid game and tired of seeing my low self esteem, low self worth having ass accept him and his cheating ass back.

He moved on and I had no choice but to break down. I broke down much lower than any of the other times before. He needed to move on, I was used up. If he would have came back, he knew he would get the damaged heap of mess he made and who would want that?

 

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