By: Kindall D.
All I’ve ever dated were fuckboys in the past. My first boyfriend was a “nice” fuckboy but nevertheless, a fuckboy. He was a commitment-phobe but still kept me around as his “friend” that he just happened to be sleeping with and bringing around to all of his family functions. We were acting like a couple so that’s all my young, impressionable, never had a boy that liked me, 18 year old self needed. I wanted a title as his girlfriend but I felt pushing for it would scare him away even more, so I never did.
That eventually played out and I had to get over him because he moved over 5 hours away. I meet other guys after him and all of them ended up being fuckboys too. Even the guys I had crushes on were fuckboys. I used to jokingly ask my best friend if I had a sign plastered on my forehead that said, “play with me!” It was beginning to become ridiculous and I knew that it was impossible for ALL men to be fuckboys.
Then, I decided to look inwardly at myself. I posed the question to myself, “Why am I only attracting fuckboys?” Here are a few things I ultimately discovered.
They are what you’ve never had.
I was attracted to “men” that made me forget about my awkward ass childhood of never being popular or never having a high school sweetheart. I always had crushes on the popular guys and jocks then but they never even looked my way because I was the overweight, band geek nerd that hung out with the honor students. I didn’t have name brand clothes and never got asked to prom.
I dared not like the unpopular nerd guys that liked me in high school because they weren’t good enough for me let me tell it. I needed someone that made me look good. That same mentality stayed with me throughout my twenties after graduating high school. I had to have that forbidden fruit that I could never obtain in high school. After I graduated, I lost a little weight and starting dressing better and lo and behold, fuckboys flocked to me, finally!
They are always fine AF.
Let’s just be honest, we all want a good looking man. Before soul searching in the depths of who I really am, I had to have a fine ass man. I didn’t care what that came with.
In order to be a true fuckboy, he must be fine af; that’s the only way he can make women believe whatever lie he has to spit out. That’s the only way he can cancel plans on you at the last minute and get away with it. That’s the only way he can make you believe that that other woman is “just a friend.” That’s the only way he can get you to his house instead of taking you out on a real date. The fine af ones know the power they possess and love using it on unassuming, misguided women that will almost immediately drop the drawers on command. You have to be some kind of fine to make a woman behave in that manner.
They tell you what you want to hear.
Whatever it is your ego needs to hear, a fuckboy will find it out and speak life into it. I was never told I was beautiful or pretty when I was younger, so when this fine af fuckboy came at me telling me things I’ve never heard, it sold the deal. I was his any way he wanted and would believe the lies that I knew deep down were actually lies, so my ego held on to them a little bit longer than I should have. They will make it appear they want to be around you but never make concrete plans. They usually leave the ball in your court, making it seem like you’re in control when really, they are only interested in you if you’re chasing them. They love to play, “catch me if you can” and will stop playing that game momentarily just to give you some D making you feel that you’re actually “wanted” because feeling wanted by a fine af fuckboy that tells you everything you want to hear feels so good to have even if it’s just a piece of him for a moment. You like being told what you want to hear because who would want to hear the truth? Who would want to feel unwanted and unloved when this fuckboy is ready to speak life into your ego, changing how you feel about yourself even for just that moment?
Who wants a man that nobody else seems to want?
Once again, our ego is rearing it’s ugly head. Everybody loves a charming ass fuckboy. He has made it his duty in life to make all women want him, including you. Why would we settle for a man that speaks to the parts of us that we are so desperately trying to forget? Why would we settle for a “nerd” who wears whatever’s comfortable and doesn’t care about name brand clothes and who’s only concern in life is to catch all the Pokémon and get “play of the game” on Overwatch? No, women aren’t chasing after that man. We want that tall, hunk of man on our arm that makes all women envy us. We want that man that pumps up our ego and dismisses the reality of who we really are on the inside as a person. We want that man that seems to have everything going for himself because he’s going to be sure to boast about it, making him even more of a fuckboy.
They seem more interesting.
Most fuckboys are out living their lives and adding more shit to their lists of other things they can brag about to women, using it as a ploy to get them into their beds. They usually either live life on the edge or are overly accomplished which makes them that more exciting,aiding us in forgetting in who we really are as a person. Their quick, charismatic talk and “fascinating” lives overshadow the true depths of who they’re really are as a person.
They are just like you.
Yup. They are. Fuckboys have this mentality to let you in but only a little so you won’t become attached. As I stated before, like attracts like. They are human just like you and ultimately, do not want to be alone–but don’t want to be exclusive out of fear of being hurt too. That’s why they play games and that’s why you play right along; he has made it appear that he wants you but just doesn’t want to get to close, causing you to work hard at closing that gap that you know you’ll never be able to close. You’re attached to him, but never completely; just how he wants it and probably, just how you want it too. You may be telling yourself you’re ready for a good relationship but in reality you’re scared shitless too and are afraid of being hurt, just like him.
We subconsciously look for someone that’s just like us. We don’t realize that that’s what we’re looking for but deep down, we are. Little do we know, those fuckboys have mastered how to not look like a fuckboy. They’re out here trying to mask their true character and who they are as a person on the inside and so are you. Until I accepted who I truly am as a person, which is a weird, different thinking nerd that is a bit socially awkward that would rather stay in than go out, I kept on meeting fuckboys that hid who they truly were too.
I thought good men were extinct too until I really got to know and love me; I learned to accept me, flaws and all. That’s when I met my current man that I almost looked over because he was a “nerd.” That nerd is basically a reflection of me and treats me the best I’ve ever been treated just like I treated all them fuck boys before him. Come to terms with who you are, inside and out, and watch the good men flock.