7 Hard Truths About Love & Relationships I Learned The Hard Way

By: Kindall D.

The following lessons I learned, I learned them all the hard way. Some of them I were warned about beforehand and some of them I weren’t. Either way, anyone could have told me firsthand about all of the hard lessons in hindsight but I still wouldn’t have listened or took heed to their words. I’m stubborn like that at times. I’m grateful for the lessons I learned the hard way though because they resonated with me the deepest; they truly developed me.


Love Will Make You Stay Longer Than You Should

Love can make you lose track of the time that has passed by and before you know it, you’ve been with them way longer than you should.

You know it’s not the arguments, cheating, lack of respect and trust issues that’s keeping you; it’s the undying love you have for him that’s making you stay. Love has blinded me, indeed, in the past. Love is such a powerful thing and will blind you to all of their faults, making you constantly accept their bad treatment because that’s what love is supposed to do; your love is supposed to withhold through the bad. It has to take you and the love and compassion that you’re supposed to have for yourself to alert you when your love is being used and taken for granted.

A Person That Gives ONLY To Recieve Does Not Really Love You

You can give without loving but you can not love without giving.

If he keeps a score or tally of all the times he has ever shown you any kind of love, he’s only in it for himself. Sometimes, your loved one may require you to give 100 percent for awhile in the relationship because they may not even feel like loving themselves at times when life gets too hard. Those times will inevitably show up in a relationship but if he feels it’s “your turn” to show him love, he won’t show up for you at all and will leave you hanging.

You Can’t Change A Man

Yes, he has potential and a lot of it but it’s not up to you to bring it out of him.

In reality, I feel a man that only has his potential to offer you will only show you his potential with no real plans to actually live up to it while with you. He knows you will accept him as is so why should he change? I learned that if you feel you have to change someone in order to be in a successful relationship with them, then they are not for you.

Some Are Only Looking To BE Loved And Are Not Looking TO Love

He really doesn’t love you, he just loves the way you love him.

This lesson didn’t hit me until I was already in too deep with loving someone. I had gotten so caught up in giving my love away hoping each time I would at least get a little love back. Men can be hurt and guarded too and will only seek out a woman to make himself feel like a real man again. He refuses to do the hard work and heal on his own because that will hurt him too much. Hurt people hurt people without even realizing it because they feel you’re okay with pouring all your love into them for nothing in return because you started off doing that. That’s why you’re the “crazy” one to him when you try to stand up for yourself and take your love away.

He Does Not Really Want To Leave Her For You

If a choice has to be made about who he wants to be with then he has already made his decision.

I dated guys in the past that were on the brinks with their girlfriends that would then try to pursue me. At first, I thought it was because I was such a better woman than his girlfriend  but then I realized I was only an option for him. He would tell me over and over that he was leaving her soon and then she ended up pregnant. He had options the whole time between the two of us and used them to his full advantage. Men that are cheaters are usually only cheaters as far as their options go. That’s it. You can think you look better and even sex him better than her but he’s not leaving his established relationship for you. He knows that treating you as an option will keep you from getting too attached which will keep you from becoming another problem to him.

You Can’t Make The Same Man That’s Diminishing Your Worth, See Your Worth

I always knew deep down, way in my soul, that I deserved better while in my past relationships. I always knew I was a good woman and would be confused as to why they never treated me as such.

I learned it was because they were never really trying to see my worth because they were too busy using me for whatever I had to give, diminishing my self worth in the process.

I kept thinking that eventually, they would take notice of my worth and appreciate it but a user has no interest in the real you.

Self Love IS The Best Love

Cliché, I know, but I learned this the hard way after others that I thought truly loved me suddenly took their love away when I had become so dependent on it.

Love is one hell of a drug so make sure it’s your own self love that you’re getting high off of because that’s the only love that will always sustain you.

Any other love that others want to pour into you periodically should just be a bonus and not be the only love you’ve got.


One Comment Add yours

  1. Ayanna says:

    Girl, this post is on it! Kinda the reason why I’m very upfront when it comes to dating now. I really don’t have the time to entertain uncertainty.


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